Sunday, February 28, 2010

The Color of Love

On 2/17/10, I read and responded to an article on The Relationship Journal because I think people really should address this because it is a real issue in dating in America.

Hey, I'm a long time reader and have kept up with a lot of the helpful articles that you have written. I'd like to ad my opinion of the topic of interracial/intercultural dating. I think that race should be removed from the equation; here's why: race does not at all determine what kind of relationship you will have with a person. Aside from stereotypes, there is no need to believe it. Now, if a man has a preference for blondes, does that mean that all blondes will be self centered in relationships? No. Nor does it mean that any individual of a race or culture will act stereotypically. We should ALWAYS be understanding and respectful of other's cultures, regardless of dating. In this, we should only ever consider race.
There is rarely a focus on meeting the right type of person; people just aren't asking themselves and being true to what they want in a relationship. Do they want someone who will be a responsible mother or father? Do they want someone is financially responsible? Someone who is laid back, free spirited, Type A...these are all types of things that affect how a relationship works, and all people, regardless of race, carry these characteristics. When you remove race and culture from the equation, you add thousands more eligible singles to your dating pool.
We are individuals, and I personally want to be addressed as one, and would not want any potential mate to decide the fate of our future based on a physical characteristic or cultural differences. Should a guy from Michigan who's never eaten grits not date a girl from Georgia because she has? That's about how silly it all sounds to me.

Mikko had a great reply (which you can read at the link above), but I wanted to further inquire about people's perspectives on interracial dating and also to further clarify what my point is.

Well, what is my point?
I don't like the idea that we have to be OVER sensitive to other races and cultures; that actually leads to opposite stereotyping and misconceptions. But general race issues aren't what I'm addressing. I am addressing how we view other people from other races as different, when we really are the same. Our cultures may lead to subtle differences to large ones (say, if a white man marries and traditional Hindi woman), yet those aren't where issues actually come from. The idea that we simple CAN'T date other races because they are too different is the problem.
We aren't all that different. There are white people, black, asian and hispanic people that can all find similar interests and personality types. And THAT'S what we're supposed to be looking for in a relationship, right? So why is it so impossible to expand those options to include other races if they are still sharing interest and have compatible personality types? That is where the emphasis should be in all relationships anyway.
It really won't matter if your black girlfriend doesn't want to go into the pool if she is a caring and supporting partner. See what I mean?
Opening up your options by expanding your social circle can make a big difference. I should know.

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